Dear Best Friend,
After ten years, I came to realize why my best girlfriend is indeed MY BEST girlfriend. Unapologetically the best I could have asked for. Although I didn’t really ask for one. I just got lucky. The more I say this aloud, the more it seems miraculous that after all the permutations and combinations we deal with on a daily basis, she managed to stick around. Miles or years couldn’t affect the camaraderie we share. It only got more unfathomable as the days, months, and a decade slipped beneath our feet, while we were busy adjusting our hair, applying kohl, choosing the outfit that would best fit our personalities, crying over heartbreaks in subways, visiting each other once or twice in six months, and then landing in different continents to make a life for ourselves.
This is one such day that I would not want to forget. Today, we are separated by two oceans, she finding her footing in Israel, while I am unraveling the enigma of American life. Occasionally, we FaceTime to gather our sanity amidst the challenges of professional life, adulthood, and personal struggles, and to be honest, the last seventeen months of the pandemic wouldn’t have passed but for our mutual effort to have each other’s back. On an emotional, mental and spiritual level. We don’t say out loud how much we need one another. We don’t have to. Because, even when we are FaceTiming, we are actually seeing through each other’s smiles, facial gestures, body language, even the pupil of the eye. All of a sudden, miles are reduced to a molecule and we are completely one in such moments. Cliches are cliches for a reason. That’s the romance of authentic connection, dear reader. I am hoping you’ve felt it at least once in your lifetime. I am lucky; I have felt it several times- with my best girlfriend. Especially when I am not looking.
Her birthday is around the corner and, suddenly, today when I woke up, I felt a tug in my heart… I wanted to give her a present this birthday. It could be to make her feel belonged; could be just to make her feel special on her special day. Or could be because she really, really mattered. To me. So I pinged her right away to ask what she would like as a birthday gift. It didn’t matter what she would say, we both knew she wouldn’t end up asking something grandiose. However, if I really wanted her to have something, I wanted her to tell me what she would like. She pinged back in no time-
“I have to think. You wanting to give something means I need to think really hard.”
Aww. Now that’s like a pretty legit response. Now think hard, gal and ask for some token of our long friendship, that is available on Amazon. That’s the script I had in mind. Amazon was the most affordable and practical way of sending her something to her nest in Rehovot, Israel, from my little nook in Morgantown, West Virginia. I almost knew the form of gift she could ask for and I was so full of love for her because she had asked for some time to think over. She too wanted it to be special. Really sweet. What a way to start my Thursday, I thought.
I was in my office when I received a voice note from her. I am glad she decided to record her words, instead of a text.
“The best gift would be to have you here with me on my birthday, but that is going to be a little difficult (laughs softly). But send me something in writing, a letter or an essay. Haven’t read any of your writings in a long time. That would perhaps be the best gift, to read a piece you’ve written.”
I do not know why she decided to send this message over a voice note. But, listening to her say those words felt like watching an expectant bird flapping its wings in joy. In that moment, I felt a sudden force pull me down to the ground. A ground that I am supposed to firmly stand on, but up until then, I had lost sight of what it truly meant to be grounded.
Unbeknownst to her, she had tapped into a place in my heart that had almost ceased to exist. It was a part of my soul that sought pleasure in giving joy to people who mattered to her. It was a part of me that figured out creative ways to bring a smile to people’s faces. Usually, through my writing or musical abilities. There was a time, not very long ago when I was not financially independent, and so money was never a means to make someone feel loved. There was a time when I would write deeply personal letters or make sincere greeting cards to lighten up their day. Then why did I invariably assume she would ask for a materialistic gift? And how was I so sure that I too was okay with the ritual of sending a mundane gift on her birthday?
What happened?
Life. Life, in all its beauty and belligerence. Life - it’s real and unforgiving. Ruthless and relentless. Life doesn’t stop for a second and doesn’t let us stop either. It is not a race, but the snares of reality have the power to blindfold us and shove us onto the conveyor belt, without our consent. Things such as consumerism, paying taxes, managing finances, keeping up with a fast American life- and the list goes on- are incredible forces to take away our focus from the simpler joys. As the saying goes- the carousel never stops turning. Amidst the craziness of keeping up with the demands of survival and thriving, I have lost myself. Although not entirely, I’ll admit, even a little seemed like a lot today. While I’ve had to unlearn a lot in order to learn new ways of life, I didn’t realize what I was giving up in the process. Simple joys. Introspection. Contemplation. The importance of simple living, high thinking.
“What is life if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare.”
She had pulled me back into my inner reality. A reality that doesn’t get perturbed by the forces of the world around. A tiny but potent reality that finds joy in priceless gifts- by singing for those who appreciate the music in her, writing for herself to articulate her soul, and sharing the written word with those who are looking for similar inspirations. That’s all about her! A simple girl who used to believe that beauty and joy cannot be bought unless the heart is full! The girl may have grown up, but the child in her is still wide awake, wanting to sprinkle the magic of intangible presents, that bring souls closer. Through earnestness and simplicity.
Today, she gave me a glimpse of who I was, who I have become, and who I need to be! All through an honest voice note. Immensely impactful, nevertheless. Writing hasn’t ever felt like an effort. Until she asked for a piece as her birthday present. It was a reflection of how life circumstances have the power to manipulate us and rob us of our authentic, instinctive selves. Today, as I plan to wrap up this article, I recall how challenged I was feeling when I actually started writing this. All she had asked for was an essay or any article for that matter! And here I was rummaging through my rust-covered creative chest, to concoct something that would echo like the person my best friend knows. And if I am being honest, being spontaneous is not one of my better skills any longer. However, writing this article while thinking about her has been one of the most relaxing exercises I have done in a while. Because, with her, any sort of pretense will catch her gaze and I will be left naked under her caring scrutiny. Therefore, I am allowed to be nothing but spontaneous with her and anything that concerns her. That’s how much she knows me. That’s how much I know she knows me. Even after life trying to change me into this mechanical, monochrome individual, she is there to hold a mirror at me and make me face my self.
I can’t imagine how I got so lucky.
